For the first time in a long time, I am free. Free to do and think and feel and love, what- or whoever I want, if I want to. And some would think that this is my opportunity to conquer all fears and all hesitation and anything else that may stop me; but instead it is a time for contemplation.

I thought I was done for good. I thought I would never be able to let go. I lived my life mourning a living corpse. The life of a widow certainly does not suit me, but that’s the best way to describe the past few years. But now I am free, and a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. Life in general is much lighter. And the last thing I want to do is to put myself back into the same possible situation.

See, there comes a time when you can’t afford another mistake. Growing older and wiser, they say; but in all truth, it is becoming more cautious. The more mistakes you make, the more time it takes to get back on track; and life is too short to spend it that way. And some would say: “then you are not living at all.” But what is life if not a series of events that occur like a chain reaction, like fire – which you may not see but it’s eating away at everything it can find to further its existence. So, it is better to live like a fire-fighter, looking out for the hot door and soft spot on the floor.

Thruth is I have given up more than I thought, more than once. And I don’t have any regrets. But there is no bigger truth than with another mistake I would lose it all. And I have nothing left to lose but myself. I can’t afford to do that again… .

So, I get back on track; and I keep on moving on – looking for that peeble that may trip me, and the hidden wall that blocks the way. I keep living surrounded by everything I can control and everything I can’t; and this time I am betting the house, because I have nothing left to lose and yet stand to gain everything.