The last time I really posted (7 June 2004), I wrote about ghosts. The ghosts a memory can keep trapped for eternity, maybe passing from one life to another – if that is what you believe.
In the past couple of weeks, I have encountered many ghosts. I was in Florida for four weeks prior to that, and there I thought a lot about life and the future. But it was only upon my return that I thought about the past. I thought about wasted days and friendships, about lost loves and those who are now gone, about how much I want somethings and about how much I miss having others. But, most of all, I have thought about what is still right in front of me.
It is then that the ghosts plague me. It is then when they come to tell me that I can’t try this, or do that. They show up where they are not, and they make me see that are not. I see the past in the present, and in that there is no future.
I was running from the past, but now I run toward nothingness. There is no future without a past, and no past without a present, but there is no future in the past and no present in the future. The ghosts surround me, and scare me. They push me, challenge me, betray me.
Ghosts indeed! There is nothing worse than one’s own ghost.