I thought I had made the wrong decision. Now I know I did.

I left everything that was my life, and came back to sunny Orange Park, Florida; and for what? I came looking for support, and family; but that’s not what I found.

I found a bunch of people who care, but don’t know how to show it. I found lots of insensitivity. I found tons of stress, and no solace. My nerves are just as broken here as they were there; but what’s worse, my soul is aching.

I have never felt so alone. I have never been more surrounded.

I made the wrong choice.

Anyway, now I know what has to be done about it. As soon as it is within my means, I am leaving again. I have done it before, and this won’t be the last time. I need a place of my own. I need a place to grow, unhindered. I need to be me, and I can’t be me with them. I need to move away, where I can be who I am – without expectations, without the molds to which I have been fit by them. I have never been able to be myself with them, and have always known it. I don’t know what made me think that things could be different.

I guess I thought since I have changed so much, maybe they would have too. But they won’t change. And they’ll never see me change. It’s easier to think of someone in the way you see them, than in the way they are. I want to see me, and I can’t do that here. I don’t want to have to hide anymore. When I am on my own, I don’t have to.

I am half way to 25. I don’t want to be everyone they each think I am. I don’t want to hide anymore. I want to live. I want to be me.