This is what I wrote on Thursday after I managed to get myself back together:
“Was really tired again this morning but went to work. Got diet soda on the way in, spilled it all over myself and my car. Started crying uncontrollably and called my boss to take the day off.
“Went to breakfast with my grandma and shopped at Whole Foods. Then took a needed nap. Going to gym now, then to finish a work project.
“Things always get better. I know I’ve come a long way. I will not allow myself to go back when I know how to keep on track and keep moving forward. I have to take care of myself; there’s only one of me.”
That was Thursday; I did do some work but I did not finish the project, and I made it to the gym after that. I was really exhausted on Wednesday but I made it through the day; so when I felt better the next morning, I figured I’d just keep going. That didn’t work out so well. I was tired but didn’t feel exhausted, but I think my mind was exhausted. I keep forgetting that my body can take a much worse beating that my brain. My brain needs more rest than I have been giving it, while exhausting myself daily. Then, on top of that, I have been wearing my brain out also.
It’s not just that. I have been exercising myself into huge endorphin rushes. I know how sensitive it is to chemical changes, and I didn’t take that into account. Endorphin rush = more need for sleep. I went from sleeping at least 7.5 hours a night, to barely making it pass 5.5 hours. I know better; it will be taken care of promptly.
Thus, I took a couple days off the gym and retook it today. I am tired, but not exhausted. I biked just over 5 miles earlier, and will make it to the gym later to see if I can make it to 70,000 steps this week (that’s about 6.8 miles). It’s about to pour, so I may just flake claiming inclement weather. Ironically, the gym is covered, so what does it matter. Plus, it’s not like I didn’t get soaked during my bike ride. Note to self: do not take the bike path down Doctor’s Lake Drive next time; too humid.
It’s a journey. No matter how many times I have traveled the same path, it is never the same. Why should it be? I am never the same when I get to go back through it. Just because I have do it a thousand times does not mean I can just do it again. It’s a journey; there are no rules, no maps, no destination. Just have to keep on moving… .