As of tomorrow, I am removing the “To You” label. There are currently only 5 posts under that label, but that is not the reason. Simply, I am moving on.

You are someone that I will never forget. You are important, even if I never see you or speak to you again; that may or not be the case. I am not doing this for some obscure ulterior motive, but rather because I deserve to love someone who loves me, not just someone who once did (or may have). I loved you, and I messed up. I will probably always love you, though not that way anymore. 

It has been really hard for me to come to this juncture, and it wasn’t all that long ago that I was willing/wanting to see if a second chance was possible. One of the great things of hitting bottom and dragging yourself back up is simply that you have to think about everything; you have to contemplate and meditate and find yourself all over again. I really liked the me you first met, and I liked the me I was with you; I even miss them both sometimes. However, I am neither now. I am still me, but not either of those ‘me.’ 

I still want some of the same things, and some new things. I want to be open to new things too. I want more than to be comfortable, and that’s what we were toward the end. We were comfortable; but we aren’t even that anymore. Now, we are just familiar; and, uncomfortable.

You will always hold a dear place in my heart. I believe that when one loves someone, one can’t truly ever stop. That is not to say that love does not change. But, like us, love is multifaceted. I will cherish every moment we shared, but I will not weigh my future relationship(s) based on the past. 

It is hard to imagine the future from where I now stand, from where I have stood for a little while now. I am not afraid. For once, I am excited to see what may come. It is amazing to me how self-awareness and contemplation have snowballed into fast-shifting feelings and ideas; they seem erratic, but – in truth – they are just resurfacing. I am becoming who I was plus who I should have been. The Christina I was and the Christina all those experiences during my time in limbo would have elicited, she is coming forward with the added benefit of hindsight minus bad choices. 

I am stronger for my limitations and my tribulations. More importantly, I am exactly who I have always been, and yet not at all. Thank you for participating in my life, and sharing a part of it that was integral in leading me to this place. 

Now, it is time for me to be me and to maybe find someone who loves this me, ever changing, ever growing, forever Christina.