(1) I don’t want to sell my house. I do think I should, but I don’t want to. In fact, I think I would be better off if I had 2 roommates. That solves a lot of my problems, and let’s me keep my house too.
(2) I want to go back to Chicago more than anything in the world. But I don’t think I should, and I don’t think I will. It hurts like hell to realize that that is the one thing I want and can’t have. I just can’t give it all it takes, and I am sick of half-ass jobs.
(3) I am getting my Ph.D., even if I die trying. If it’s the last thing I do, I will do it. I haven’t decided where. UTD is not the right place; I need a challenge, a motivator. I have looked at NYU, Yale, Maryland, Delaware, Penn and UNT; they are okay, but… well, I hope you understand.
(4) I am going through it with, or without, whoever does, or does not, want to come along for the ride. I can’t keep trying to please other people, and being miserable myself. That is why I quit my MBA. I need to do for Christina what Christina can’t do for herself. [Hope that too makes sense.]
(5) I have skills that go unused, and unacknowledged. Thus I have decided to offer my services as a reading and writing tutor. Most people can’t read and write like UofCers do; and I hate that. You know, all the dumb s*** we have to read through because of that! But that’s not all. There are some kids out there who are truly smart, real thinkers; and no one can see that because they can’t put any of it to paper. Maybe I can help; and at the same time, help myself.
(6) I am just trying to dig myself out a huge rut. More than 9 months like this, and I don’t see any improvement. There has to be something that can be done about it. I just hope I can figure it out.