When I write, I just can’t stop. There are a million thoughts in my head at any moment. I find myself pondering several points simultaneously. It’s not like juggling, more like running apps in the background.
When I’m passionate about what I’m writing, I can get lost and go on until I feel satisfied every thought, idea, possibility and even feeling has been properly convey – even if no one will ever read it.
Sometimes I just need to let it out, take it out of myself without putting it out there. It’s how I stay calm, how I deal, how I cope. I write.
Sometimes I need to share it. It’s not like shelving because while I’m not “putting it out there” I am giving a piece of myself to the one I’ve chosen to share with. I give a part of myself because I’m a writer. I write without pretense, without agenda, without fear.
I wish every time I wrote to a specific person, that I could share it. Unfortunately, I can’t. If I did, all my walls would be breached, all my defenses ineffective. Id be exposed and vulnerable.
I hope one day I’ll find someone with whom I can share all those written words. I don’t want walls or defenses. I don’t want glass cages. I want to give, share, live, love.
Glass shatters. It doesn’t matter if you attack from within or without. Supercooled liquids don’t stand a chance when one is determined. I want to be free, free to be, free to share, free to give. It has to come from within.